The Filipino Friends Blog

Desire is a delicate thing. Whether it’s your fifth date or your fifth anniversary, it’s easy to do or say something that makes that spark between you fizzle faster than uncorked champagne on a hot beach.

In fact, there can be so many passion pitfalls on the way to love, it’s sometimes a wonder the planet manages to reproduce at all. But if you avoid some of the most common desire deal-breakers, you can get that lovin’  feeling back on track.

1. Don’t abuse this erotic organ.  We’re talking about your scent-sitive nose. If your breath is as pungent as day-old gym socks, whispering sweet nothings in your lover’s ear is not going to produce the desired effect.

Out for a romantic meal? The best bad-breath preventive is to avoid garlic all day, not just at dinner. Almost nothing can mask garlic breath. If you can’t brush and floss after a meal, drink plenty of water during it to wash away the food bits that attract bacteria. Then, munch on that parsley garnish, or have an apple for dessert. Both can naturally sweeten your breath.

2. Don’t be snarky.  The more partners criticize each other, the more likely their relationship will fall apart, according to John Gottman, author of Why Marriages Succeed or Fail.  Okay, so maybe your partner did miss his turn doing the laundry and you were just a teensy bit (all right, an hour) late. Bringing it up now will only push you away from each other. It’s hard to feel close from a distance — and even harder to make love.

Instead, say what pleases you about your partner. Go beyond, “You look really hot tonight” (though that’s not a bad place to start). Show your gratitude: “It was so cool of you to pick this restaurant — you know I love Italian.” Happy couples make five times more positive than negative statements about each other, according to research in David Schnarck’s Passionate Marriage. No wonder they have better sex, too.

3. Don’t skimp on time in the sack.  So you can sleep, of course! How can desire stand a chance if you’re so tired that even a little extra sleep sounds more enticing than sex? Poor sleep can lead to inflammation that threatens your arteries, hampering blood flow to all parts of your body, including those critical sexual zones.

To get the sleep you need, go easy on the alcohol, too. It can disrupt sleep patterns big-time and impede both arousal and performance. And pull the plug on all your tech toys an hour before bedtime — yes, that means no texting, surfing, gaming, or watching TV — so you can wind down and snooze. There’s something in those flickering electronic lights that wakes up your brain.

If you get the optimal amount of sleep — 6.5 to 7.5 hours — you’ll live longer and make your Real Age  up to 3 years younger. Think about that — 3 extra years to do whatever your heart — and your lover’s — desires. Now that’s a turn-on!

When your head hurts, a pain pill is an easy way to silence the throbbing. But did you know there are herbs that may help, too?

James A. Duke, PhD, author of The Green Pharmacy, offers five options for you to consider.

Feverfew and ginger:  Research suggests that regularly taking feverfew reduces migraine frequency, while ginger may soothe symptoms.

Willow:  The herb contains salicin, an aspirin-like substance. White willow (S. alba) is rather low in this pain-relieving stuff, so if you want more headache relief per cup of tea, look for species that are more potent, like S. daphnoides or S. fragilis.

Red pepper:  Studies show that its heat-giving ingredient, capsaicin, may help prevent cluster headaches.

Thyme:  Thyme can be used in a compress to ease achy muscles in the neck, shoulders, and back that contribute to tension headaches. You can also drink thyme tea.

Ask Your Doctor:

Remember, just like pharmaceutical drugs, herbs can cause side effects or interact with medications. So before running to the health-food store, clear your plans with your doctor, and ask about the appropriate dose.

Is your headache a migraine, tension, or cluster headache?

Try the nicer needle. Acupuncture is as effective as pain drugs for treating migraines and reducing their frequency and severity. How? It may increase levels of beta-endorphin, a natural pain killing substance in your body.

Just use pressure. If you’re needle-phobic, acupressure may be a good way for you to dim headache pain. Simply rub the two points on either side of your vertebrae at the nape of your neck (right below the ridges at the base of your skull). Also try massaging the webbed area on the top of your left hand, between your thumb and forefinger.

Get between the sheets. But not for shut-eye. Women with migraines who abandoned the “not now, I’ve got a headache” phrase got better pain relief from sex than from their usual migraine remedy. And it worked repeatedly. We’ll bet it will work for men, too. Orgasm is associated with the release of a vasodilating gas called nitric oxide.

Take some ginger. It inhibits inflammation in blood vessels, so take it when your headache first comes on.

Tame the shoulds. Change irrational beliefs — those are ideas typically prefaced with words such as should, ought, must, or have to — that lead to stress and head pain. Replace them with ideas that use words such as wish, want, like, and desire.